while i went through my files i found this. well, you may be in the same situation. it could happen to you and me. read on.
15.oct.09
He asked me, “How would you feel if i tell you that I want out of this relationship? And what would you do?”
I said:
I would feel betrayed of course. I will cry a lot. I will ask you why and how it happened. I will ask you if there is someone else. I would prefer to hear you say YES rather than saying No, there isn’t someone else, but then the truth is there is a ‘she’ standing next to me. I could curse you, would probably say the F word. But if you’re sorry that you hurt me I will ask you to give ‘us’ another chance. If you still love me. If you want to give it one more chance. But if you don’t, I will not spend my lifetime making you love me wholly. I would rather cry now than later when we are married you’d cheat on me. I am not going to keep you. Because if I mean that much to you, you should have known my worth. But think very hard. Think what you are going to miss when you let go of me. Think of the long years that we have been through. Think over and over again.
Then he said, “I’m thinking what I’m going to miss if I don’t tell her that I love her”.
Me: “You are telling me that? In my face? Come on Jonas be serious.
Jonas: Of course I am sorry it has to end this way. I love you but my heart beats faster for her. I don’t want to cause you pain by telling you more. You made me happy, I swear! But she completes me.
ME: Did I not complete you? Maybe you just got excited and that you mistook that excitement for love. Did you get bored? Ten Years Jonas! Do you want to put that away in just a snap?
Jonas: No Venus. I loved her the moment I realized that I am not just infatuated. I realized that I love her
when everytime we speak I can be myself and that I am not thinking to impress her. I knew I love her when i began to think of her most of the time, particularly the last person I think when I close my eyes. I love her when she speaks my name. I thought I am not that guy for her. But thinking that way, it would really make me not that guy. But I want to be the man for her. For years I convinced myself that there is no way that we could be a couple. But the more I tell it to myself, the more my heart cries for her. I loved her for long I did not notice. I have lived my whole life not realizing that what I’m looking for is right in front of me. I want to be there for her.
ME: Jonas, I mean every word I said. I am not the type of a woman who throws things. Maybe I could slap you. I would let you go, now that I know that someone else is the reason of your everything. Although I admit that it is painful, I don’t like to be the second best. I deserve to be happy with the person who thinks am the one for him. But if there is still a little love left in you, I would cling to that and make you love me again. But I am not your girlfriend. I can not assure you that she would do the same. As a friend, I hope you choose the one who could make you happy. Do not think of anyone else. Just you and that person.
Jonas: I’m torn. I don’t want to hurt her. But I love Maya.
ME: it’s your call.
She is Maya. He is Jonas. You bet it’s not their real names. They were neighbors, went to kinder together, have the same alma mater, both good looking. They have different friends growing up but shared common friends when they were young adults. She is introvert and he is the oposite. He is INC. She is a Christian. They are good friends. Maybe even best friends. Maya had 3 past relationships and is currently dating a wonderful guy. Jonas seem to be happy in his 10-year old relationship. So when Maya told me that he is in love with Jonas, I don’t know what to say. She said it just happened and she has no plans of telling him. She is the type of girl who waits. But then, most of us do. That was a year ago and now she is engaged to Paul. Finally!
Jonas called to tell me about her wedding. And I told him that I already knew and happy about it. Imagine my surprise when he cried and told me that he loves her! I was stunned. And again I don’t know what to say. Was it my fault not telling Jonas about how Maya felt for him 2 years ago? Or was it his fault not telling Maya? Or could it be Maya’s fault? He said that it just happened. “What should I do?” he asked. What should I tell him? Should I keep my silence?. He asked me, “If you are my girlfriend, how would you feel? And what would you do?”
My job is to let them talk. I made up a story telling them both to meet up and ask the other what was it all about.
The next email I got from both of them is not at all like what we see in the movies. Jonas got the worst break-up, then admitted to Maya about his feelings. Maya can’t call the engagement off. Paul will be devastated. But jonas emphasized that his gf was devastated too. It is obvious that they love each other. Maya wrote: Marrying and loving a person are two different things. It is possible that the one you love the most is not the person you married.
I was sad. Because everyone deserves to be happy. At least Jonas got to tell the girl of his dreams that he loves her.He is now free of the could-have beens and the what if’s, had he chosen to keep his silence. And Maya,with tears in her eyes asked Jonas “Why only now? I have been waiting for this moment to come. Can we sacrifice those people who love us so much?” if I were on her shoes, I don’t know how to tell my fiance about it, too. But If It happens to me, I will choose the one who can make me laugh and can talk about everything over and over again, because he will continue to do so for the rest of my mortal life. Because there will come a point in a married life that the only precious thing you can hold on to is laughter and a feel good conversation. Most people fail at whatever they attempt because of an undecided heart. Should I? Should I not? Go forward? Go back? Success requires the emotional balance of a committed heart. When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape. A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right. Indecision limits the Almighty and His ability to perform miracles in your life.
When Maya stood up and head for the door, Jonas said, “you’re all worth it Maya”. But Maya never looked back. Well, she should have.
